Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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