I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
