i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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