the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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