we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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