he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
