woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
