Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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