yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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