Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
