I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize