my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
