So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
