hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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