do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
