I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think my tv is drunk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
