what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
