Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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