Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
