so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
