No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
