She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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