I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
