I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
