Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
