She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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