I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
