there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
