I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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