One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize