She is in my trunk
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
