I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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