i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
