i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
