capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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