i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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