he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
ttyl tear gas
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm getting married
To pizza
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
