Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
