hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
