There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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