he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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