Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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