Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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