i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ruined the universe
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