Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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