I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize