I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
