how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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