how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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