I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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