also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
