you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
