I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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