i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
