I think I am morally bankrupt
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
