he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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