my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
