Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
