there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
