dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
