4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
