garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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