just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
