so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
