Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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